To absent friends, in memory still bright

If I am going to have a journal, I really need to update it more. I wanted to write more, but here I am letting day after day go by without jotting something down. But lately, my mind has been a barren wasteland; I have no desire or energy for much of anything. It is dark here by 4:30PM, and the weather is getting more inclement each day. Right now, I am a bit depressed that I will be spending another holiday without having an enjoyable job. I am lucky that I have some temp work to bring some money in, but there is little reason for me to get out of bed every day anymore. Blargh

But, my subconscious is always active meaning I have an overabundance of bizarre dreams. Most of them seem to be focusing around high school and college; they involve seeing someone from my past and then embarrassing myself in front of them. Why is this? I have no clue; a lot of the people that show up are people I could care less about ever seeing again.

I have always had a way with burning bridges behind me, mainly because I am a poor long-distance communicator. I seldom will pick up a pen to write a letter or the phone to call someone. I will email someone without hesitation, but the longer I have not seen them in person, the less frequent I am inclined to drop them a line electronically or otherwise.

It is not because I do not like or want to talk to these people; I am just a solitary person by nature. I do not find it necessary to have a large circle of friends or constantly be out in the midst of a sea of people. So, I let friendships lapse by not keeping in touch much. But I do get nostalgic from time to time, and this recent wave of dreams has led me to think of the few people I would claim as friends throughout high school and college.

High school was a long time ago, and much of it is not worth thinking about. Though I have not spoken to them in a long time, I do count these people as friends from that time I wish I kept in touch with more.

• Barry - all around great, generous guy; wish he had shown up at my high school sooner than senior year
• Richie - funny guy; heard he’s a teacher now. Never would have expected it, but I can completely see him being a great teacher.
• Jeff H. - world conquest through military might
• Jeff “Bucko” H. - waverunnin’ fun
• Mike - he’s in the navy now; if he is deployed somewhere, I pray he stays safe.
• Steve - see above
• Steph & Nikki - two great girls; Steph ended up doing exactly what I thought she would.
• Wes & Greg - way, way too much stupid fun over the years.

I’m sure that others from my high school years would read this and wonder why they were left off. Plain truth is that the above people are the few I would actually care enough to sit down with and talk to at a reunion. The rest are in my past, and the past is prologue.

College is a different story; I would be more willing to attend a college reunion than a high school reunion. College provided an atmosphere that allowed me to expand my interests and world view which led me to make friends with a variety of people for a variety of reasons.

• Bryan - my roommate for four years; great guy, but I still have no idea how or why he remained my roommate for all four years. I am not an easy person to live with (just ask my wife :) ), and he certainly could have found a more kindred spirit to bunk with. But he didn’t, and I hope he had as much fun in those four years with me as I did with him.
• Kinnith - probably the closest kindred spirit I have ever met; smarter man than I’ll ever be with a true poet’s soul.
• Joe - I don’t have the proper words to describe him; great and funny guy for so many reasons
• Sheldon - fellow sci-fi nut who is still in Australia for all I know
• Jeremiah - definitely was not a bullfrog but was a good friend of mine; one of the few lower classmen that I clicked with. Smart and funny.

There are many more to list (Dave, I-li, Eric, John G, Doh Young, Andrew, Mark R., Matt H., Bernie, etc.); don’t feel left out if your name was not in the list. There are just too many people from college I would enjoy catching up with to list, and I’ve rambled on long enough as it is.

So, that’s it for now; maybe this will be cathartic and allow my dreams to drift into some other realm for awhile. As much as I would enjoy seeing these people, I am tired of embarrassing my dream-self in front of them.